I believe the person who first brought up the term "radical responsibility" was Fleet Maull, in his book of the same name, or maybe it was someone else. You may have also heard of:
Author role vs. victim role
Grown-up vs. child position
It doesn't matter what you call it. The idea is that you whether take responsibility for whatever happens in your life or try to avoid it through multiple avenues.
You are considered a grown-up if you are older than 18 years old. Unfortunately, sometimes wisdom does not come with age, and many grown people are mentally immature.
What does it mean to be immature? - Demonstrating behavioral patterns of a child. And what are those?
Blaming, whining, finding excuses, being dependent, being addicted, waiting for someone to come save you (help you), being in a state of "not knowing" and not trying to figure it out. Blaming circumstances (recession, pandemic, hard childhood, gender, country for your lack of desired outcomes), being stressed, depressed (anytime you use the passive voice and imply something doesn't depend on you, you assume the child's position). Hoping that something will somehow magically change.
Pretty much being out of control and admitting that you cannot be responsible for your life and whatever is going on in your life. UUUf, that's tough, and the brain starts immediately looking for examples of how these statements are not necessarily true, and that it's OK not to know, it's OK to not always be in control. Yea… it's OK, but does it bring you results?
It is OK only in the sense that when you feel that way, you should accept your feelings and not beat yourself over them, BUT the moment you realize it, switch into "the grown-up" mode. Rather than decide it is OK, and distract yourself with Netflix, cake, ice cream, or video games.
Even if you get hit by a car, you seemingly have nothing to do with it. Have you considered why it was you, and not another person, who turned out to be there at that moment? Or did you just think what an *** the driver was?
It has to do with the law of attraction that I'm sure you have heard of so many times (which states you attract how you vibrate). It takes two to create any situation where two people are involved. You do not have to be thinking of being hit by a car to be hit by a car. You may be thinking about how nobody loves you, how miserable you are, how nothing is working out for you, and sure enough, the Universe will bring you more things that ensure nothing works for you. (and here you go – a seeming accident).
It may seem like life is unfair. By the way, it is. There is no such thing as fair life. We all get born into different families and have different talents, circumstances, looks, and environments (I believe our souls chose those circumstances of our lives to have specific experiences and become who we are meant to be). Regardless of what circumstances you find yourself in, if you are a grown-up, you have FREE WILL that allows you to navigate out of any situation. It may not always be fast or easy, but it is possible. Everything is possible if you control the factors you have control over, such as your attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and actions. There are countless success stories of millionaires who come from less than humble beginnings, didn't have a support system, yet somehow managed to succeed.
People love to play victims (as there are many secondary gains to this position, you get attention and pity, and you get to think of yourself better than if you admit you are failing at something).
The problem with those attitudes is that while they excuse your failures, you shift responsibility for your outcome to external factors and thus take responsibility OFF yourself.
Responsibility = response-ability. Response-ability is your power. Therefore, when you give away your responsibility, you give away your power to change the outcome. In addition, you continue to be stuck but feel "good" about yourself. This is the attitude of a person who does not want to face the truth and achieve results. We here are interested in building our dream lives. For that, you need honesty. It's not about honesty with other people. The most important kind of honesty is honesty with yourself.
It goes like this. I am a capable adult, and whatever situation I am in, I got here by making certain choices that came from attitudes and patterns of thinking I was practicing. But if it was me who got me here, it's me who will get me out of here and get me to where I want to be! That may be hard to admit, but it is EMPOWERING.
It can be tricky because particular excuses in our society are approved of and acceptable. If you are not after validation and care about your results, leave validation behind and think about how you can get from point A (where you are) to point B (where you want to be), REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
It's straightforward. Anything that is going on in your life is your fault!
Anytime you think that the situation or condition of your life depends on some outside factor. Whenever you blame someone else for your lack of results (even if it sounds convincing and righteous), whenever you feel helpless or don't know how to proceed, you need to ask yourself one question.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
99% of the time, you will come up with some action that you can perform immediately that will be able to put you in control. If nothing can be done on a physical plane, then there is usually something that can be done in your head: you can CHOOSE to think about the situation differently, to change your attitude. The feeling of having a choice is also very empowering and returns you into the active position of an adult.
Your goal is to make yourself feel and act as though YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL EVENTS IN YOUR, you are the center of your life, and no outside powers can impose anything on you.
Anytime you catch yourself thinking I can't' because…STOP it! →
HOW CAN I?!
I am stuck → How can I get unstuck?
I do not know how → How can I find out and what can I do?
I have no money for my business → Where can I make money for my business? Who can help me? What is the first step?
I have no time (my favorite), meaning you choose to spend your time on something you consider a priority. You always find time for something that you consider essential → What are my priorities?
As I mentioned before, the mindset is the hardest part of the transformation from the employee towards being my own boss. I am still working on it, and I don't think there is an end to the process. Mindset glitches are why many people often know what they want and what they must do to get there but do not act on it. Being a boss is impossible if you have the mindset patterns of a child. And another curious thought that I heard from a phycologist: children don't have their own money
So, grow up, lose the victim attitude, take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life, and off you build your dream life full of freedom of choices!
1 thought on “RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY”
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be interesting to read content from other writers and use something from other sites.